Aside from the all of the possible scary and horrific outcomes that could happen to me on a dating app or website that I have deducted from horror movies or television shows….or the go to excuse for not using a dating app because I believe I could organically meet people in real life… hear me out on here… or in this case “read me out…”
I have a deep explanation to why I am not downloading any of these apps or signing up for these websites anytime soon.
Correct me if I am wrong, but aren’t we supposed to date to marry? Or if you don’t believe in marriage.. aren’t we with our partner because we see them as someone we could grow old/experience life with? I feel like not a lot of people on those apps/sites have that same aspiration (well call it) in mind. The dating apps help provide a means for singles by helping them line up their prospect or prospects based on who is in their area, their pictures, short bios of themselves that make them feel marketable, and small talk back and forth. Based on the above they then decide if they should take it to a first date or meet in person. I am meeting a lot of couples today that have nothing in common, can’t tell me what their significant others favorite song or book is, and can’t provide me any significant moments in their life that are deeper than surface level. Most of these people met on these apps. Some of these details I gather from the first moments of meeting someone. It is so irritating to me. Then next they are in a rush to introduce that person to their parents and they could barely tell them about him or her….. ??? They mostly are with them because of physical chemistry, and longevity isn’t really a priority. Unless one year is a long time for you….
The perfect parallel I can make to dating apps suggestions or “matches” is to Netflix’s recommendation system. When I am looking for a new movie or show to watch Netflix provides me suggestions with percentage matches for each program on my personalized home page. The aggregated data is based on their “recommendation algorithm” which deducts a match for you based on: the genre of TV shoes and movies available, your streaming history, and the previous ratings you have made, and lastly the combined ratings of all Netflix members who have similar tastes to you. Netflix then uses these factors when they calculate the percent match score shown next to a title or program. This score is unique to each user, and indicates how likely Netflix thinks each user is to like that title/program. The match score percentages are sometimes on… and are most of the time disappointingly off.
One of the most exciting things when I am first talking to someone in the first moments is when we are establishing common ground. I don’t have a specific type… yes being tall and funny helps, but one thing that I take away in those first moments of establishing common ground is how the other person makes me feel. Call me a sap but if I walk away from the conversation wanting more and with butterflies in my stomach I am hooked. There is no simple equation for that folks, no algorithm… no profile or chat on an app that can capture that moment. That is a beautiful thing in life and I really hope that people don’t limit or restrict themselves on trying to find this feeling or guidance from an app/site.
I am in no rush or nor I am looking. Patience is key for me and was established in my life at a young age. I am a middle child I grew up being patient and waiting around for both of my brothers for everything. They did for me too, but there is two of them and I am outnumbered as the only girl. I went to countless soccer games, swim meets, and basketball tournaments that weren’t mine I had to be patient. It was always “my turn” last to play video games behind the both of them, because I wasn’t necessarily as good as them (and I liked video games!) so I was used to waiting and I still am. All the movies we chose, games we played, flavors of ice cream lol you name it they chose it…. I was always overruled and my mom went with the majority vote. I can’t blame her either because I would do the same to make us shut up. If I am patient with everything, why not be patient about meeting the right person? These apps speed up the process and feel too forced for me. Why rush a beautiful process? They say the best things in life are free…these apps technically aren’t lol… am I right? They cost time, data, there are also some membership fees on some dating sites…. why waste time and money on things that could be replaced with real life experiences or moments. I don’t force any blog posts, Instagram posts, or anything that I feel isn’t right… why force this?
**Disclaimer I don’t think is what you should do.. I am writing why dating apps aren’t right for me. This is an opinion piece. I also love sparking conversation, so if you disagree leave your opinion or testimony in a comment below. I also realize many couples have met on dating apps/sites and have had successful relationships and I am not trying to diminish them. At the moment I deem dating apps and websites wrong for me…BUT HEY I SAID I WOULDN’T WEAR PINK EVER AGAIN AND IF YOU LOOK BELOW I’M IN A PINK SWEATER HAPPY AS A CLAM.