I follow a lot of influencers on Instagram. Body builders for workout tips, trainers for workout/healthy eating tips, stylists for styling tips, and other fashion bloggers for inspiration. An influencer that I follow from Dallas shared a personal story of hers and shared an intimate video blog of her crying at one of her most vulnerable moments after finding out that her boyfriend had been cheating on her. She said as an influencer it is her job to not only show you the highs, but to show you the lows as well. I was so moved seeing her show the truth behind her once glorified relationship instead of brushing it under the rug. Her testimony struck a cord to me and made her more credible to me because of her transparency. I told people I wouldn’t get personal on here but…. here goes……..
I am insecure about my job. I have worked in the service industry for years as a bar tender. Mind you I am one of two assistant general managers, but yes it’s definitely a service industry job. I constantly have everyone drilling me about what I am going to do with my life. My parents everyday, ex boyfriends, family members, random strangers after telling them what I do, doctors, friends, my nail tech (because my nails are falling apart), my bar regulars, etc. Every one feels the need to constantly remind me that, “yeah the money is great, but you can’t do that for life.” NO. FUCKING. SHIT. You can’t be a personal trainer or spin coach for life either but people aren’t quick to knock that down. I know that they are saying these things because they care, so I try not to take offense to it..but some days the comments really get to me. What people don’t see is that I have ZERO DEBT. I pay my bills. I have one credit card and a decent credit score and have ZERO student loans. Those are things I am not insecure about. Heck, I even know lawyers that ask me to cover their tabs at the bar and they’ll pay me back tomorrow because their accounts are over drafting.
Do I want to be in the service industry for life? That’s a hard no, but this is what works for me right now. I love to write and style and I am doing exactly that with bar tending supporting me. A lot of people that are asking me these questions I know are absolutely miserable glued to their desks with their 5 days of PTO per year. I am not and will never be that person again. I had the nine to five job and I was completely miserable working paycheck to paycheck to barely make ends meet. I gained weight, took lunch breaks miles away from work just so I could get away, still bar tended on the side to make rent and was an emotional wreck because I always had to be concerned about money. I took the job because I thought it was the right thing to do… but they pushed me against my personal code of ethics when it came to selling. I was beyond miserable and I had to make a decision. So I put in my two weeks and never looked back. I’ll take the happier more lucrative path any day.
So here I am bar tending and blogging. I am even insecure about blogging. I put a lot of time, effort and money into this and I realize that people have their opinions on this. You’re entitled to your opinion…. that’s awesome… just know I sleep easy every night with my mouth wide open and my retainers in knowing that I have found my why in life already and that is helping people feel good about themselves through clothes.
For those who are reading this and can relate with a same job situation I am here for you keep your head up and keep pursing your why in life. . and for those of you reading this who have that steady job.. I am jealous of your benefits and steady schedule hours …if you love it great but please don’t tear others down who have unconventional jobs to build them up….or whatever it is the hell you are doing, just stop. It’s not cool.
I am dealing with this insecurity and the only thing I can do is to remain grateful. Grateful that I have a job that pays the bills and grateful to be happy doing what I love. Grateful to have worked for the same company for five years. Grateful to not work with a corporate company. Grateful to have an owner who takes his GMs/ Assistant GMs out on a random Thursday night to see The Killers because we work our asses off. Grateful to have my owner’s wife personally thank me for working for the company as long as I have and for my coworkers and I turning our Dallas location around. Grateful that I have the confidence to take a leap of faith in myself in blogging. Grateful that I can use my journalism degree. Grateful to have gone to the University of Oklahoma. Grateful to be able to endure criticism. Grateful for my parents for being hard on me and not handing things to me, because without that I wouldn’t have had all my bills paid and no credit card debt. Grateful that I have never needed someone to financially lean on. Grateful that I can make my own schedule and travel to where I want without hesitation. Grateful to have my best friend behind the camera lens helping me pursue my dream. When you love what you do everyone can feel it and that is the only thing that matters. You don’t have to show or prove to anybody shit.